the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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