24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
