And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize