You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
