WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
