he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
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