I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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