Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
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