He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
