Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
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