At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"