I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
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idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
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After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.