This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.