Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
