ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
