New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
