This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
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