she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
