Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
do herpes really smell.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
