I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
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