Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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