you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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