brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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