i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
