Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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