Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
