Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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