im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
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