Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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