Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
