...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I need to calm my uterus...
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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