i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize