Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
