Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
