ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
