all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
