whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
