Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
