3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
