matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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