I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize