I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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