he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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