yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
You may now shotgun with the bride
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
