I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
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