Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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