I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Randomize
