I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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