honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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