I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
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It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
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