I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
