A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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