i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
