Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
