Texts From Last Night

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  (416): View more from Ontario

  The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.

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  (416): The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look. http://tfl.nu/2p75
  Replies (13) Good night (857) Bad night (3474)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.

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  (904): I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester. http://tfl.nu/arpr
  Replies (9) Good night (1222) Bad night (2918)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...

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  (443): At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead... http://tfl.nu/ukld
  Replies (10) Good night (880) Bad night (4482)
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.

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  (719): I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer. http://tfl.nu/q96h
  Replies (4) Good night (1138) Bad night (756)
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.

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  (907): On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks. http://tfl.nu/rprq
  Replies (4) Good night (2339) Bad night (579)
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  (705): View more from Ontario

  He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.

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  (705): He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment. http://tfl.nu/68lb
  Replies (7) Good night (2090) Bad night (937)
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  (941): View more from Florida

  I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.

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  (941): I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant. http://tfl.nu/bzfq
  Replies (11) Good night (1651) Bad night (801)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult

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  (813): Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult http://tfl.nu/ufyx
  Replies (6) Good night (1984) Bad night (641)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.

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  (917): It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left. http://tfl.nu/g605
  Replies (5) Good night (933) Bad night (948)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.

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  (816): Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks. http://tfl.nu/88uh
  Replies (20) Good night (2090) Bad night (777)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?

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  (214): Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember? http://tfl.nu/njcl
  Replies (2) Good night (675) Bad night (985)
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  (707): View more from California

  Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.

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  (707): Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got. http://tfl.nu/yk6y
  Replies (5) Good night (553) Bad night (1568)
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  (845): View more from New York

  You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital

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  (845): You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital http://tfl.nu/w35x
  Replies (7) Good night (879) Bad night (553)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.

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  (202): I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills. http://tfl.nu/w2hv
  Replies (6) Good night (1556) Bad night (752)
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  (914): View more from New York

  Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.

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  (914): Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants. http://tfl.nu/muni
  Replies (0) Good night (521) Bad night (334)

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