thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.