I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"