elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.