How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"