And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
