Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
