I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
