Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I wish you could order shots online.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
