you're like a bully in the Christmas story
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I will be naked everywhere
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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