Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
