i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
