your thong is hanging out like whoa
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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