Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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