Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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