Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
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