I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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