Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
